I Identify as Stuttering Incoherent Canary

I feel like I owe you an apology for being such a chaotic babble aunty. Not that I owe you one; it’s more that I owe myself one. 

Its me not you.

When I talk to people, usually there is nothing normal coming out of my mouth and all sentences sound chaotic and are my precious neurons fighting each other to mention every single brainwave from the gazillion thoughts at the same time which I can not keep up with. 

To be short: I’m a verbal wreck.

Sometimes even my eyes switch places with my mouth and then you got some weird looking DIY face which can lick his own hair on top of the face and see better through your navel (if there are no nipples in the way). 

When I talk, on the outside it sounds like a vulcano that is about to erupt but there has landed one big ufo on top of it, so then it’s all about bbrrbssghh and blabbblablubbpssgrhffbb and so. Sort of a stuttering incoherent canary. 

At such moments it drives me nuts and I start to brabble really foolish and I skip from one subject to another in notime. In such a manner that I make the person in front of me want to run at the nearest drugstore to stock up Xanax and all sort of other fake food stuff to fix panic attacks and in case they run into me again next time. 

Therefore I mostly sound like a lunatic probably……and for the most part I am. 

When I was a little girl already, I always asked myself a million questions about nothing and everything. My brain always runs at full speed and way too fast to keep up with. 

I am continuously wondering things. Like why why in the wild, wacky world of evolution did we end up with just a measly pair of legs? I mean, come on, wouldn’t it be absolutely fantabulous to have, like, a dozen legs or something? Just imagine the stylish socks we could wear!

But maybe, just maybe, that wouldn’t be such a brilliant idea because we’d have to spend half our lives untangling our socks. 

Don’t even get me started on finding shoes that fit all those legs! Plus, trying to do the hokey-pokey with twelve legs?

Further thinking process

Further thinking process: how would 12 legs even fit a human belly without hanging out of the loop through the future moms ears, mouth, behind or even through her Va-thingy. 

Every time I use some sort of vocabulary, 8.022.269 sets of unknown analyzing brain-codes boycott my whole being human.

As two year old I already drove my mom nuts with highly absurd questions and was I walking straight behind her with a microphone and every why, how, when passed the brain revue while mom slowly was transforming into a a never-seen-before super nanny-defying, patience-of-a-saint-trying, toddler-inquisition-enduring superhero.

I totally think in images which goes way faster than coughing up words. I have a very hard time to find a trillion of words within a short amount of time. 

By the time I find correct words and fabricate a sentence; people are already heading home if they’re not fallen asleep while waiting for my lips to make some sort of sound.

When I’m blogging then there is still something to save from my ever so elegant verbal occurrence. Normally people don’t listen and just think that I’m crazy, which of course is an absolute fact. 

So online I can fake my way through normalcy and I can unfold myself as intelligent person. 

Pretty close.

Sort of. 

Nearly.

Well at least it comes close. 

I think. 

Don’t take my thinking serious though.

When I write I can take the time to think how to formulate well built nonsensical gibberish that it makes Einstein’s theory of relativity look like a toddler’s scribbles on a crayon-stained wall.

So if you analyse this properly: nothing really changes. When I talk it is all a huge black hole and when I write it’s only the reflection of the black hole. 

So in fact this whole stupid blog is also garbage.

So now you know. Now you can either run away or subscribe to whatever else I still got to say in the coming future and beyond.