I’m a professional SnotHead
(Quote credit: Quotefancy)
Some families have great family traditions like Family Singing Time, Family Game slash movie Night, Meteor Watching Parties or dancing the hula hoop.
And ofcourse one of the most famous ones: Pizza Night, which in my case would turn in to a disaster party (in the most positive scenario) because I normally die of cheese.
That is if I would join the party, because who could turn down this cheesy mud drooling out of everybodies mouth. And if not I would have to inhale all this delicious cow crap which is always a free ticket for the ambulance straight to the hospital because of my severe cow milk allergy and related business.
Then there are entire tribes who live by ghost stories, by preference at night. It’s always fun to spook around and scare the crap out of everybody. Well I could join right away when I would have eaten or would have smelled those pizza’s; in the first scenario I would have died and hunt you down as ghostly me and in the second case of smelling the dough UFO I would have looked like a ghost with ease without having made any efforts.
Then you got real gross traditions too; like ‘nose grease‘ a Canadian birthday tradition; blown over from Scotland.
You get ambushed by your own friends and family, after that your contact is ruined for ever, to give you a messy unforgettable greasy nose job. They probably dash you with their ham/cheese sandwich and butter your sniffer to make it slippery for bad luck to catch you. Now isnt that fun?!? Who thought of that?! Yuk! He must have been really totally not well.
Are you already wondering what my tradition is? Mine is not really a joint tradition, and neither smoking joints; I don’t smoke, although it depends on how you see this tradition, or approach it; my practice is more like a dirty affair, but don’t worry, not the kind you think or maybe even hoping for. I think this surpasses it, so I warn you in advance.
I have been a snot-head ever since I can remember 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I call myself Mrs. Snot and when I’m angry I will definitely sneeze huge in your very direction.
I am snot, I see snot, I hear snot, I eat snot, I throw snot and if I have a really good day: I’ll have a free snot gift for you as well or when I am really on top of my ability: you get none.
Sinusitus is not your cleanest condition on earth; it affects your forehead, your cheek sinuses, your brain and your husband, your cat, your interior decor and your neighbors. Well practically your whole surroundings.
It’s totally not funny to have the chronic feeling of having clay stuffed in every part of your facely face. I sometimes think; wouldn’t it be the case (in my case) that during my kindergarten period I stuffed some of it up my nose? Nobody checked the kids anyway so it might as well be possible I crammed the whole damn Kindergarten in there. And now during my adult years I am stuck with it like for ever as Karma gift residue.
My life with a chronic cold is not really recommendable for people who take selfies all day long or have professions with a lot of clients. You can talk to my clients and get their medicines.
I am a no chemical’s eater and therefore I certainly will not stuff myself with all kinds of dangerous toxic life inhibitors. So please don’t advise me to go to a doctor to let myself intoxicate so they can pay for all their villa’s and Tesla’s. I know perfectly what the remedy against my sinusitus is and that is: doing nothing. I most certainly can not undo my icky problem because then I can’t bully obnoxious people anymore. This is life and I need it badly; so now I have this big dilemma.
After 52 years I now come to the point that I am hankering for a snot-free remaining part of my life. Not that I was never longing before that time, but now I am ready to move on to the next level to some heavier artillery.
Everybody who knows me already is prepared when talking to me and carries all kinds of covers to protect them from flying around snot. That’s not fun anymore! I want something else, something better. I want to be able to walk outside when there is a slight breeze without getting a major cold with chronic sneeze attacks. I want to wear a dress in winter and be able to say: “I am Celesta and I don’t sneeze”. Well we all know that’s not gonna happen; I don’t even wear dresses, never.
My wish for the future: being snot-free for ever and ever.
In the mean time be aware when I’m passing through.
Ps: I am not that gross and snotty as you would think because of what I wrote here. I really am not. Some things might be true, some written shAt is not. I forgot which parts though.
For more rubbish you can take the risk here:
©Celesta.nl – 2018